Over the past few years, many successful Gen X leaders have found themselves in a new role: Counselor in Chief.
You’ve been the one holding space for your team’s grief, anxiety, and burnout. You’ve listened deeply, supported generously and likely shared some of your own struggles along the way. You’ve been human. …and that’s a good thing.
But there’s a cost.
As I’ve coached high-performing professionals through this era of emotional overload, one truth has become clear: Empathy burnout is real. And if you’re not careful, it can quietly drain your energy, judgment, and capacity to lead with clarity.
So how do you stay connected and compassionate without losing yourself in the process?
The answer is, Compassionate Leadership.
Why Empathy Can Make You Tired
Here’s what happens: when you use empathy all day long, you’re actually feeling other people’s pain, stress, and worries as if they were your own. It’s like carrying two backpacks – yours and someone else’s – all day long.
Many Gen X leaders (those born between the mid-1960s and early 1980s) grew up being the “fixers” and “helpers” in their families and workplaces. We learned to care deeply, but nobody taught us how to care without getting tired out.
Let’s talk about the difference between empathy and compassion – and why that difference might just save your well-being.
Empathy Feels. Compassionate Leadership Supports.
In the book Compassionate Leadership: How to Do Hard Things in a Human Way by Hougaard and his colleagues, the authors draw a crucial distinction:
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Empathy means feeling with someone. You take on their emotional experience—you feel their pain as your own.
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Compassion means caring about someone’s pain and wanting to help—without absorbing their suffering.
Both are human, both are kind. But only one is sustainable in leadership.
Empathy can blur your judgment, cloud decision-making and overwhelm your nervous system. It’s a noble spark – but without boundaries, it can burn you out.
Compassion, on the other hand, creates space. It allows you to understand someone’s struggle, then choose how to respond from a place of strength and intention.
And that space is what protects you from the slow leak of emotional exhaustion.
Signs You Might Have Empathy Burnout
There’s a hidden cost of ‘feeling too much’. How do you know if you’re suffering from empathy burnout? Look for these signs:
- You feel tired all the time, even after a good night’s sleep
- Other people’s problems stay in your mind even when you’re at home
- You find yourself thinking, “I can’t listen to one more problem today”
- Small things that wouldn’t normally bother you now make you upset
- You feel numb when someone shares a problem instead of caring like you used to
If you noticed yourself nodding to any of these, you’re not alone. Many of the Gen X leaders I coach feel exactly the same way.
Five Ways to Be a Compassionate Leader Without the Burnout
Making the shift from empathy to compassion doesn’t mean becoming distant or uncaring. It means leading in a way that is wise, grounded, and sustainable.
It isn’t about cold-hearted logic: It’s about how empathy can hijack our ability to see the whole picture.
If you’re a Gen-X leader who’s been told your empathy is a strength (and it is!), it’s important to understand: Without boundaries, empathy can lead to fatigue, bias and burnout.
Here are some simple ways to shift from empathy (which drains you) to compassion (which helps others while keeping you strong):
1. Ask Helpful Questions Instead of Absorbing Feelings
When a team member comes to you with a problem, instead of thinking, “Oh no, I feel terrible about this too,” try asking, “What do you need right now?” or “How can I be most helpful to you in this moment?”
This small change helps the other person feel heard while keeping you in a place where you can actually help.
2. Listen Well, But Don’t Try to Fix Everything
Sometimes people just need to be heard. You don’t have to solve every problem or make everyone feel better. Just nodding, saying “That sounds really hard,” and asking if they want ideas can be enough.
Remember: you’re their leader, not their therapist. It’s okay to help them find other resources when needed.
3. Set Caring Boundaries
Caring leaders can say things like:
- “I have 15 minutes right now to talk about this. Will that work?”
- “I need to think about this and get back to you tomorrow.”
- “This sounds important. Let’s set aside proper time to discuss it later today.”
Having boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care – it means you care in a way that’s healthy for everyone.
4. Take Care of Your Own Feelings First
Just like on airplanes where they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others, you need to take care of your own feelings and energy first.
Try starting your day with 10 minutes of quiet time, ending work at a certain time no matter what, or having small breaks between meetings to reset your mind.
5. Remember That Helping Others Solve Their Problems Is Best
When you help someone find their own answer instead of just feeling sad with them, you both win! They grow stronger, and you don’t take on their heavy feelings.
Try asking:
- “What’s one small step you could take?”
- “What has helped you in similar situations before?”
- “Who else might be able to support you with this?”
Real-Life Success Story: A Shift From Empathy To Compassion
One of my clients, a marketing director named Jamie, was known as the person everyone could talk to. By Friday afternoons, she was completely drained and had no energy left for her own family.
We worked together to help her shift from taking on everyone’s problems to being helpfully caring instead. She started using some of the ideas above, especially asking “How can I help?” instead of jumping into problem-solving mode. She redirected her intentions towards compassionate leadership and away from over-empathizing.
After just a few weeks, Jamie reported feeling much more energy at the end of the day. Her team still came to her for help, but the conversations were more productive and less draining. Best of all, she had energy left for her family and herself.
You Can Be Strong AND Caring As A Compassionate Leader
The biggest myth about leadership is that you have to choose between being strong or being caring. The truth is that the strongest leaders are the ones who know how to be caring without getting burned out.
When you shift from empathy to compassion, you can:
- Support your team through hard times
- Make tough decisions when needed
- Stay emotionally healthy yourself
- Lead with both your head and your heart
Next Steps for Tired Leaders
If you’re feeling the weight of empathy burnout, know that you’re not alone and there is a better way.
Start by trying just one of the ideas from this article this week. Notice how it feels to care deeply while staying strong in yourself.
Want to learn more about leading with strength AND heart – without the burnout? I work with Gen X leaders just like you who want to make a difference without sacrificing themselves in the process.
Schedule a free 30-minute conversation to learn how coaching can help you become the compassionate leader your team needs – while feeling better than ever.