Having a sense of self-worth means that you value yourself, and having a sense of self-value means that you are worthy. The differences between the two are minimal enough that both terms can be used to describe the same general concept.
Self-worth is the intrinsic value that we place on ourselves. It’s the sense of worth that we feel about ourselves without external factors having impact. Self-worth is not determined by outside forces, but rather your sense of self-worth comes from within.
“Self-esteem is what we think and feel and believe about ourselves. Self-worth is recognizing “I am greater than all of those things”. It is a deep knowing that I am of value, that I am loveable, necessary to this life, and of incomprehensible worth. Self-esteem doesn’t last or work without self-worth.”
Self-esteem is the value we place on ourselves based on external and internal measures. Accomplishments, achievements, appearance, intelligence and success all play a role in developing our sense of self-esteem.
Self-worth, on the other hand, is about the value we place on ourselves simply for being who we are. It’s our intrinsic value. It’s an understanding of our value that is greater than those things that can be seen or measured. While this sense of worthiness can be more abstract to understand, it is this element that deeply affects our overall confidence.
In self-worth, there is no comparison because the value is within the person, not external.
While confidence is tied to both self-esteem and self-worth, confidence isn’t an overall evaluation of yourself but more a reflection of your feeling of competence within a specific area. For example, you could have a high amount of self-worth but low self-confidence when it comes to public speaking or certain sports.
It’s not necessary to have a high sense of self-confidence in every area of your life; there are naturally some things that you will simply not be very good at, and other areas in which you will excel. The important thing is to have self-confidence in the activities in your life that matter to you and a high sense of self-worth overall.
What Determines Self-Worth?
Self-Worth Is Not About Your Accomplishments. Achievements are great, but what you do or achieve shouldn’t affect the importance you place on yourself. No label, certificate, or plaque should measure your worth for you.
Self-Worth Is Not Your Age. I don’t mean to sound cliché by telling you age is nothing but a big number, but I will tell you this: how old or how young you are, does not determine how prepared you are for anything.
Self-worth is not your title. That can change. You might be dismissed or change positions, so this fleeting element has nothing to do with your intrinsic value.
Self-Worth Is Not Your Love Life. It is tempting to try to feel good about yourself just because someone feels good about you. What if they leave? Single or not, do not make a relationship the basis for your self-worth.
Self-Worth is not your status. Whether or not others see you as being worthwhile of their attention, has nothing to do with how you see yourself.
Self-Worth Is Not Your Grades. Are you the least smart person in your class? Know that you are just as valuable as a straight-A student because you have individual gifts and might excel at something else that an A-student will flunk terribly.
Self-Worth Is Not Your Health Status. Do you have an illness that’s lowering your spirits? It is safe to say that positive people heal more quickly, so stay optimistic.
Self-Worth Is Not Your Finances. Too much or too little money does not define a person. As long as you are satisfied and have enough to survive, then there’s nothing to worry about.
Self-worth is a product of two distinct variables:
1. Trauma: childhood experiences and wounds
Childhood trauma is a deeply distressing event that happened when we were children. We’ve all experienced traumas, and they form the basis of the limiting beliefs we carry.
Beliefs that derived from our childhood traumas were a natural part of growing up. As young children, we learned very quickly that we were punished when we did something “bad” and rewarded when we did something “good.” As a result, we learned to adopt a mask or external persona that would protect us and keep us in the good favor of others.
Core beliefs are the fundamental underlying beliefs that we carry about ourselves. Examples include, “I am stupid,” “I am ugly,” and “I don’t deserve to be happy.”
In the context of low self-worth, the main beliefs we carry sound like the following:
I am bad
I am unlovable
I am unworthy
These beliefs exist in our subconscious, outside of our awareness until we deliberately look for these types of thinking patterns.
In fact, limiting beliefs are like records on repeat within our unconscious minds, wreaking havoc on every area of our lives.
2. Safety: protection against what we fear
The second reason why we develop low self-worth is to protect ourselves against what we fear – or what we’ve been conditioned to fear.
Primarily, we fear the following:
Rejection and abandonment from others
Our own power
The first one is a no-brainer.
When we possess low self-worth, we’re constantly trying to please and appease others. We become people-pleasers who are invested in gaining approval because that’s how we think we’ll survive. In a sense, we are regressing to our infant fears of being rejected (and therefore susceptible to literally dying), not realizing on an unconscious that we’re adults now.
When we do gain the temporary approval (or “love”) of others, we feel safe. We no longer feel the horrific looming fear within us of being rejected or abandoned. On an unconscious level, we’ve escaped death. But those feelings are fleeting. Unfortunately, because we lack a fundamental sense of self-worth, we must continue seeking approval from others – and the cycle goes on and on.
The second fear is harder to understand…Fearing our own power .
We are scared of our power because we’ve been conditioned to fear it. We’ve been conditioned to suppress it, to reject it, to demonize it.
Our “power” symbolizes who we truly are on an authentic level beyond all the masks. But because we were punished for being authentic as young children, we equate our true selves with suffering. We equate it with the rejection of our primary caretakers. We equate it with the fear of death.
We develop low self-worth as a way of protecting ourselves from our own power – the very power that caused us to be rejected as young children.
Why Self-Worth Is Important
- it helps you to love and respect yourself
- it helps you to make wise decisions
- it helps you to create personal boundaries
- it enables you to be confident
- it enables you to be authentic
- it supports you find meaning and purpose in life
- it helps you to remove toxic people and habits from your life
- it inspires you to find loving friends and partners
- it improves the overall quality of your life
Your self-worth is determined by you. You don’t have to depend on someone to tell you who you are. ~ Beyonce Knowles
The Importance of Self-Worth in Relationships
One of the most common mistakes you see people with low self-esteem make is to base their self-worth on one aspect of their lives—and often, that aspect is a relationship.
It’s an understandable tendency to let someone else’s love for you encourage you to feel better about yourself. However, you should work on feeling good about yourself whether you are in a relationship or not.
The love of another person does not define you, nor does it define your value as a person. This is true for people of any relationship status, but it may be especially important for those in long-term relationships.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that your partner’s love is what makes you worthy of love. If anything ever happens to your partner or to your relationship, you don’t want to be forced to build up your sense of worth from scratch. It can make breakups and grief much harder than they need to be.
Although this facet of the issue might be enough to encourage you to work on your self-worth, there’s another reason it’s important: Having a healthy sense of self-worth will actually make your current relationship better too.
When you learn to love yourself, you become better able to love someone else. People with high self-respect tend to have more satisfying, loving, and stable relationships than those who do not, precisely because they know that they need to first find their worth, esteem, and happiness within themselves.
The Risks of Tying Your Self-Worth to Your Job
Similar to the dangers of anchoring your self-worth to someone else, there are big risks in tying your self-worth to your job. Like a significant other, jobs can come and go—sometimes without warning.
You can be let go, laid off, transitioned, redirected, terminated, replaced, transferred, promoted, demoted, or given new duties and responsibilities that no longer mesh with the sense of self-worth your previous duties and responsibilities gave you. You could also quit, take a new job, take some time off, or retire—all things that can be wonderful life transitions, but that can be unnecessarily difficult if you base too much of your self-worth on your job.
As noted earlier, your job is one of the things that don’t define you or your worth. There’s nothing wrong with being proud of what you do, finding joy or fulfillment in it, or letting it shape who you are; the danger is in letting it define your entire sense of self.
We are all so much more than a job. Believing that we are nothing more than a job is detrimental to our well-being and can be disastrous in times of crisis.
It is crucial for everyone to lead healthy lives physically, emotionally, socially, mentally, and otherwise, by evaluating our self-worth. We have to consciously take steps to build and develop our sense of regard for each other and, more importantly, for ourselves. Healthy self-worth is a source of deep and lasting satisfaction in life.
For more tips on identifying low self-worth and how to change how you feel about yourself, take a look at this article on How To Recognize & Improve Your Self-Worth.
xo
