AUTHENTICITY
IS THE DAILY PRACTICE OF LETTING GO OF WHO WE THINK WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE, AND EMBRACING WHO WE ARE
BRENE BROWN
Authenticity is not about being opinionated or arrogant.
It’s not about pretending or being phony.
And it’s not about power or control.
Actually it’s the complete opposite of control… It’s about having the courage to be vulnerable in the face of criticism because being who you really are is most important.
Authenticity is about confidence, acting with integrity and being honest.
And it can be the most difficult thing to do.
Traits that authentic people cultivate:
1. ACCEPTANCE
The better we know and accept exactly who we are – the good and the bad – the less inclined we are to pass judgment on others. The fact is, that most of this judgment is rooted in our own failures and insecurities. The more compassionate we are with our own flaws, accepting the good and the bad, the easier it becomes to accept the flaws in others. This self-acceptance is the essential component to loving ourselves, internal contentment and happiness. And when we’re happy, we genuinely want that for others as well.
2. INTEGRITY
Someone who is embracing authenticity will always make choices that are in alignment with their own values. Often these choices may be met with criticism or scrutiny because they are unpopular, making it a challenge to stick to an authentic way of living. It would be easier to avoid conflict and go-with-the-flow, however this will always result in having to compromise yourself, your values and your authenticity.
3. COURAGE
It takes a good measure of personal courage to look honestly inward and discover who you truly are. But it takes even more courage to present your most genuine self to the world. This will definitely be uncomfortable as you work towards showing your authentic self because it requires a degree of vulnerability. And as Brene Brown would say, courage is always at the root of vulnerability.
4. COMPASSION
People who live with authenticity tend to not only be more forgiving of themselves but also of others. They recognize that mistakes and character flaws are most often unintentional and that the individual is doing the best that they can with the tools that they have. They view others through the same lens as they view themselves – compassion – and they learn from their experiences, taking that lesson with them.
4. INTROSPECTION
We cannot be our genuine self if we have no idea who that is or what we stand for and therefore good deal of introspection and reflection on what is important to us, is necessary. Look into your character with honesty and compassion – what mistakes have you made lately and how did you handle them? What is your learning from that? Refusing to look within will be a barrier to your authenticity, so reflect often and with love.
How to embrace your authenticity:
Below are a few challenges that can assist you in embracing your true authentic self.
Take the time to know who you are.
We are all bombarded with messages and experiences from childhood about how to behave, who to become, what to do with our lives, etc. You add to that the deluge of messages we receive from media on what our lives should look like and what success means, it’s tough to hear that voice inside of us that speaks our truth.
It is critical to make time to commune with yourself. Make the space to allow yourself to spend quality time getting know yourself. Understand who you are and develop your own opinions on what’s most important to you. Listen to your intuition and challenge yourself daily regarding who you are.
Be effective with your authenticity.
Being authentic doe3sn’t mean that you emphatically express your opinion constantly or call others out for inauthentic or fake behaviour. Speaking a truth doesn’t always make things better if it insults, humiliates disrespects someone else.
Being authentic has everything to do with YOU and nothing to do with anyone else. Focus on being the real you. If your goal is to make a positive impact you have to consider how to be yourself and respect the space others are holding around you.
Develop your viewpoint.
It’s not necessary to always express your opinion. Similarly, having an opinion on every subject is not absolutely necessary either. However having some opinions and being open to others expressing theirs, is based in authenticity. You have the right to change your opinion, if you choose.
Living authentically is about having a point of view. It’s about having an opinion. It’s about knowing what matters to you and what your values are.
Resist conforming.
As humans, historically it was important that we fit in. That we conformed to the tribe and belonged (so as to avoid being fed to the lions, so to speak).
However, authenticity demands that we resist conformity even in the face of challenge or fear.
Don’t confuse emotional reactivity with authenticity.
Allowing our emotions to take over and just blurting out anything that comes to mind often gets confused with being authentic. This is actually the opposite of being authentic. Being highly reactive to other people’s behaviors is actually us forgetting who we are and leaving our value in the hands of others. Our ego is wounded and fighting back. That’s very different from being centered in who you are and your values.
Monitor your intent when being authentic.
Many people use authenticity as an excuse for being ‘brutally honest’, opinionated or arrogant. But being direct and honest has nothing to do with being brutal, power-hungry or self-centered. This way of being is often rooted in judging others and is usually a defensive way of protecting ourselves. This is fear-based behavior and real authenticity does not require defense or brutality.
BE YOU
EVERYONE ELSE IS TAKEN.
OSCAR WILDE
We all possess the ability to be authentic but we have to be brave enough to share that with others. That means having the courage to be exactly who you are, being vulnerable even when you have no control.
Connect with me if you’d like to explore more around your authenticity.
xo